


we share it all

by anotherlightwood



Series: secret, secret [1]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Alec's POV, Angst, Dreams, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Jalec Secret Santa 2017, M/M, dreams more like nightmares, insecure!jace, jace's pov, me suffering, timeloop elements
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-12-25
Updated: 2017-12-25
Packaged: 2019-02-20 09:40:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,056
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13143981
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/anotherlightwood/pseuds/anotherlightwood
Summary: alec doesn't wake up forcefully. he does it almost unwillingly, uncertain what his nightmares might bring next. he fears the last one might spin and spin until he wakes and he's positively scarred for as long as he lives. instead, he feels pianist's fingers tighten their grip on his arm.





	we share it all

**Author's Note:**

> chapter one's the prologue, while chapter two's the actual story -- written in jace's pov.
> 
> my secret santa gift for scales-not-skin on tumblr, happy holidays!!

alec couldn't hear anything over the sound of his own beating heart, rushing, _tugging him_ forward -- faster, _faster_! he hasn't even been running for that long, but he felt like his legs might give out before he reaches the institute. before he reaches jace. 

_if he doesn't make it there in time..._ no, _no_. alec won't -- doesn't want to -- think about it. he finally got jace back, he won't lose him to a stupid fruitless patrol. of course the circle decided to strike when they had an advantage in numbers, and alec -- he should have known better than to leave the institute, when the bigger part of their shadowhunters were out on the field. 

it seemingly takes him hours to reach the institute, and when he does, the gate appears too far ahead. instead he leaps over the fence, easily enough -- by shadowhunters' standards -- with all the adrenaline in his system. 

alec isn't sure where he's going, or how he got inside in the first place -- because as soon as his feet hit the ground, he found himself standing in a doorway to one of the usually--vacant training rooms. he found he was unable to move. 

one moment, his eyes are on jace, the other on izzy, then he's locking eyes with jace again. they're both fending off circle members, three of them at the most, because alec can't really tell – his vision's getting blurry and he's falling to his knees. there's only darkness and faint voices pleading "hold on!" 

was he attacked from behind? he doesn't know, but he doesn't dwell on it either. 

 

 _instead, alec stirs in his sleep, the cold of the room only serving to incite how very cold his dreams -- no,_ nightmares _\-- make him feel._

 

it starts again the very same way. he gets another call, and it's izzy's voice that makes his blood rush "they invaded the institute, jace and i got separated from the rest." 

his legs lead him in the direction opposite the institute, and yet there it is, one corner away. alec makes his way inside, and it feels far too normal, until he sees that same door. he stumbles when in its place he sees a window, graced in numerous colors, like many others on this ages--old cathedral. on the other side, it's izzy and jace again. 

alec screams before he sees it, like he knows it's inevitable. his fists hit the stained glass -- over time, the thud turns wet with blood – until his throat hurts and he curls in on himself, for he's stuck in this one place, helpless, as he watches _their_ rune get sliced by seraph. 

the tears running down his face are scorching hot, and alec wishes the same fire to swallow him whole as he feels jace's soul tear away, the piece he gave coming back to him. it's a piece of his own soul, but the feeling couldn't be more foreign. he feels sick. 

 

_suddenly, alec is too hot under the covers, despite the open window and the unforgiving weather. he shifts again, and brings them down to expose his torso to the cool night air._

 

this time, there is no call. in its place comes a gut feeling that yells at alec to run faster, and it suspiciously sounds a lot like izzy. he takes off, and he sees the institute in a moment's time. it's _so_ close -- but he's panting, feels like his lungs are working against him -- and it's _so_ gruelling, that he might as well have taken the long way back. 

still, he stands in the doorway to that same training room, with jace and izzy in that same position. it doesn't take him one second to pull out his blade, but in turn, the light of the seraph turns the room and all around him _dark_. 

he's on his knees again. the light is back, the circle members are dead. he's moved quite a bit from his original spot, and izzy's sobbing somewhere to his right. _why is she sobbing_? he looks down, and there's jace, lying with his head on alec's lap. blood's pooling around alec's knees, pouring from seemingly everywhere, but there's only one red stain on jace's shirt from a cut on his left flank. 

alec wants to scream, but his throat's closed up, he can't speak nor think. all he sees are jace's eyes and how the ocean inside them is stilling, and he feels like he's about to die too.

* * *

alec doesn't wake up forcefully. he does it almost unwillingly, uncertain what his nightmares might bring next. he expects a deafening call, but feels dread settle in his bones. he fears the last one might spin and spin until he wakes and he's positively scarred for as long as he lives. instead, he feels pianist's fingers tighten their grip on his arm.

startled, he sits up and turns to look to his left. he can just barely make out his parabatai's facial features **"am i awake?"** the words seem to echo in the otherwise entirely quiet room. despite the dark of the night, alec can see the guilty look in jace's mismatched eyes. 

**"i'm sorry i didn't wake you up sooner."** comes the low reply, like jace is afraid he might wake the walls. 

his hand slips from alec's bicep and he catches it with his own, unwilling to let jace go **"you didn't do anything wrong,"** he's stating the obvious, but can't help the reassurance. he keeps looking at jace for a short while, drawing comfort from the blue of his eyes and the press of his fingers on the back of alec's hand. jace himself sends comfort and adoration through the bond, and it only makes alec crave _more_. it should be enough, but as jace starts to rise on his feet -- avoiding his eyes as he does so -- alec can't help the whisper that follows **" _stay_."** it's not a question, but it's soft enough to sound like a pleading. 

with one look, alec knows jace isn't going anywhere. he scoots over to make room for jace, a sigh of relief soundlessly escaping him. they lie side to side, forehead to forehead, both with their eyes closed -- but jace doesn't dare breathe until alec puts his arm around his waist to pull him in, impossibly closer.


End file.
